attitude

Attitude is tough. Once upon a time I thought that if one has the sense enough to tell that he or she is having a bad attitude, one would be able to easily take actions to correct that problem. There are all those quotes about "Attitude is everything" and "Stuff will go better if you just have a good attitude about them," but unfortunately there aren't many quotes about how to get a better attitude. It must begin in the brain, because that's where attitude comes from anyhow. But, the act of taking on a better attitude than the current one is really not very trivial. So I was wrong. Having a bad attitude is not something you just easily say about: "Oh, goodness, this isn't correct. Let's take off that bad attitude and put on a good one." It's not sweat pants. It's a lot more like a 5mm wetsuit.

I'm not sure if you've ever put on a wetsuit, but it's an experience. Wetsuits are designed to protect skin and keep bodies warm. That means they're made of thick, strong fabric. Thick, strong fabric that has SOME stretch, but not much. Last summer when I was being trained in scuba diving I had to try on a 5mm wetsuit to wear when I went for training dives in fairly cool water. It took me no less than 15 minutes to get the thing on. Getting it off was a completely different story...once the suit is on, it's really hard to get off. The material seems to suction to your skin. I believe I broke a nail to two in the process of removing the suit. And, the best part was...the first wetsuit I tried on didn't fit right, so I got to try on a second one! While I was in the first one, I had half a mind to declare, "This is good enough - no sense in taking it off and trying one that might be better." Often this is how it goes with me and my bad attitudes.

However...the second wetsuit I put on wasn't as bad as the first. I had learned a few things while I fumbled with the first suit. Fortunately for humans, we have some capacity for learning. With each attempt at putting on and taking off the wetsuit, I learned how to make it easier and how to make it fit more comfortably. During the course of the weekend of my training dives, I had to put on and take off that bulky wetsuit so many times... Wearing the wetsuit in the water is great, but keeping it on in 90 degree weather in between dives is NOT a good idea, and you certainly need to remove it when you go to the bathroom. By the end of the weekend, I had learned to identify when I needed to get out of the stifling suit, and I could do it must more efficiently. Then, when I needed the suit for the dive, I was able to get it on a bit easier.

I hope that with some practice I can learn to take off my bad attitudes and put on the good ones more easily than I do now. I know that I have grown to be a person with a lot of cynicism deep down in my heart. It has been painfully obvious the past couple of days as I consider things about the government and the church and the state of the world. I don't like the attitude that I see in my heart, but it feels very comfortable. It seems like too much work to remove the bad and put on the better. What I want to do it take off the bad attitude once, put on the good - learn from it. So, the next time I see myself with a bad attitude, I can take it off a little easier, and put on the better one a little easier.

My simple prayer is this: God, make me aware of how my mind affects my words and actions. Show me where my attitude is not pleasing to You. Give me the strength to exchange the bad for the good, and give me the wisdom to learn from it. May it become easier and easier to recognize when I'm going wrong and to correct it.

That, I suppose, is what they term "growth" - learning something from experience.