what do you do when...?

What do you do when work isn't going well - AT ALL - and you're getting frustrated and confused and downhearted? What do you do when you're afraid people are going to think - or realize - that you don't have a clue what you're doing and you're making stupid choices and not working very hard?

Such was the case not too long ago as I walked down the hall at the lab. Nothing is going right, despite my best efforts even the "simple" experiments aren't working, and even if they were working, I'm not sure they'd answer the question I'm trying to address. It's sort of like how I felt this morning as I attempted to drive to work. I was happy with my discipline in waking up early so I could get to work at around 7a.m. Hop in the car and start the 3 mile drive. A half hour later I finally end up at work. I don't know if this is just a Pittsburgh thing, but it seems like the city enjoys closing roads without any warning (at least not any warning to people who don't watch television or subscribe to the newspaper - e.g. there aren't any road signs!). I was about halfway to work when all of a sudden in front of me is a barrier: road closed. Why? Not sure. I could go on the road driving the other way, and I had half a mind to do it, except there was an official-looking car sitting near the barrier. So I had to turn around and try a new way. In most places this probably wouldn't be too terribly difficult, but in Pittsburgh with its winding, one-way streets...it is. I was ALMOST to work via the detour when...yet again the road was closed. This one I had known would be coming someday soon - it's some celebration held by the University - but there was nary a sign along the approaching roadway to warn drivers that they shouldn't turn left onto the blocked road. What if you were not familiar with the town? No detours posted...no obvious way to get where you want to go... You would be so lost you would cry. One I find out to whom I should complain, I shall do so. In the meantime, this annoying episode shall serve as an example of what I've felt like about work for quite some time: trying really hard to go the right way, having the right way blocked, having no new directions, and having the new direction I choose blocked off, too.

So what does one do?

As I walked down the hall, the thought struck me that my value and worth are NOT dependant on what I do. It's an age-old truth from the Bible, but it's one I often forget. The rest of that truth is that my value and worth DO come from God. So, what does He think of me? He knit (yay!) me together (Psalm 139:13). He gave His Son, Jesus, to ransom my life (Ephesians 5:2). Jesus is on my side, fighting for my cause in the spiritual realm (Romans 8:34). God has done, and continues to do, so much for me - it is painfully obvious to me that He must, therefore, care about me an amazing amount. I can't really think of anything I've done that would have attracted the attention of the Creator of the universe, and I'm absoultely sure that I had no capacity to do so when I was still in the womb (the verse in Psalms says that's where He knit me together). Thus, I am valuable because...God says I am. I am valuable because God created me.

Now, if I could just get myself to live under this knowledge instead of trying to achieve value in some other way - through work, though respect of others, through "coolness" (yeah, we KNOW I'm never going to achieve that!), through success, through money, through good looks.

So, perhaps what I should ponder now is "What do you do when you know the truth but it's hard to remember it?"