This is a follow-up to my recent post about keeping in touch with and/or getting in touch with old friends. See, it's not that easy - even if I were to accurately grasp the answers to all those questions and concerns I mentioned, even if I could handle having 365 friends...my good pal Attitude always finds a way to creep in. As is the case today.
For today I am thinking, "That jerk - she never calls me; I'm always the one who calls her. Why should I even bother?" (This is, of course, ignoring completely the other facet which argues that the reason she never calls is because she totally hates me.) And I'm thinking, "If that person really wanted to be my friend, he would start conversations with me, and it wouldn't always be me initiating." And I'm also thinking, "Why should I have to put all the energy into friendships? I am always give-give-giving. I've got nothing left. I need to get something back!"
Obviously there are a few unresolved issues underlying all of these neuronal synapses colliding within my brain. But you get the picture? I know all the answers to give myself for all those thoughts, all the true and right and sane answers - yet I stubbornly resist and take comfort in the self-indulgent feeling of "I'm doing what I should, everyone else is so crappy. Poor me." That's Attitude, pure and simple.
No wonder I have such issues with friendships, eh? !
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