For a variety of reasons, I've been thinking recently about what I want to do with my life. I want to move back to Grand Rapids...I want to get a postdoc overseas...I want to work at the NIH...I want to teach...I want to settle down somewhere and raise children... It's hard to prepare for the next phase of life when I don't have a very clear grasp of what that's supposed to be.
The thing is, this confusion has worked its way into my everyday life. Every day I'm faced with many decisions, and of late I've been having trouble making those. For example: I want to finish this little thing at work...oh, no, actually I want to go home; I want to eat an apple...no, actually I want to eat ice cream; I want to go running...on second thought, I'd rather sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing; I want to sleep (I need to sleep!)...but no, I really want to knit; I want to call someone...maybe not now; I really want to go hang out with somebody tonight...but I want some time alone.
Of course I cannot choose: I don't even know what I want!!
This week seems like one of the longest ones I've ever lived, and it's only Wednesday... Being indecisive and waiting for Something Magical (I don't know what, but I think that's part of what's causing my anxiety) to happen.
1 comment:
You know what I (try to) do when I can't decide between things like those. . .I ask which one is healthiest, and go with that one. Cuz then I feel better about it later!!! But hey, remember this. You've made lots of opportunities for yourself and that's a wonderful thing. You actually GET to choose what you want to do. So many people don't even have choices, and you do! GO YOU! It's really hard, but you'll figure it out, just let life come as it does. : ) Love ya!
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