Lonely: It's a mood I get in whenever I finish visiting my family. Generally I get back to Pittsburgh, hide in my bedroom, and try to pull myself together, then maybe pop down to the living room to watch a movie with the roommates or go visit with the cats who don't care if I can't exactly explain my there are tears in my eyes. It takes a couple days to get back to normal, which is why I've finally realized that I shouldn't plan on returning to work the day after a Hometown visit - I'm there physically, but I'm 400 miles away mentally. I don't know if it's precisely lonliness, it's just...missing my family and the familiarity and the security and the love.
Combine that now with my new apartment. I was so excited to be getting a place of my own, so happy to be returning to my new place with its furniture and lots of great books to be put away... And I walk in it and put away a few things...and all I can think is, "I wish someone else was here." It hit me that Mom, who had shared the first several nights of my occupancy at the apartment, would not be coming to spend the night. It's just me...and Sheamus, and a lot of help he is - all he ever wants to do is eat (although, I must admit that when I walked in the door today he did not immediately do the "I'm starving!" dance he normally does when I come home from work -- he kind of acted like he missed me). There was also a catch-22 reaction when I listened to the new Harry and the Potters CD, after having very speedily read book 6 between Monday and Wednesday, and I started crying over the last two tracks.
I've quite forgotten what it's like to live alone. There are a lot of good things - nobody is complaining that there are things laying all over the place or making fun of me because I have so many bags and so much yarn that I am completely at a loss for where I am going to put them all. But there are lots of not very fun things, too, like not having someone there to talk to...and being kind of afraid that someone will break in...and hoping to not lose my keys because nobody else can let me in if I can't find them...feeling alone...
It's just a mood. I know that, and it will pass.
Welcome...home?
2 comments:
*Hugs
Eat some chocolate and double-stuffed oreos, my cure for everything :)
Everytime I leave Grand Rapids, or my parents leave Spokane I'm devestated and tears are typically involved. Dave is usually there with me at the moment, but it still feels so lonely. Husbands are no substitutes for parents/siblings.
Hope things are feeling better and remember - you're not the only one.
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