returning to life

I've been gone. Apparently.

From July 11 through July 17 I was in Jacksonville, Florida, with the high school youth group from my church, which is Northway Christian. We were helping work on houses being built by Habitat for Humanity, which in Jacksonville is known as "Habijax." There are about a million things I could say about the trip, but I suppose I'll summarize by saying the following:

1. I got to know two gals pretty well - Jessica (whom I had known before) and Mandy (whom I had not known before). They were awesome about letting "old" me hang out with young them. (For an interestin thought on this last sentence, see point 3 below.)

2. I was surprisingly disciplined. I lack discipline in a major way and am trying to work on implementin it back into my life. I think I lost it when I graduated from college, because I know I had it for most of my high school and the majority of my college years. But during last week I was getting up at 6 a.m. to read my Bible and pray. I wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep, but I dragged myself up, even with major lack of sleep. It's unfortunate that I'm much more disciplined when there are others around me than when I am "by myself" at home. It's like I'm trying to impress everyone with my diligence, but...that's not really a good motivation. I feel like my discipline should occur because I WANT to do what I know in my heart is the right and most productive thing.

3. I do feel motivated to put more effort into my relationships. I tend to shun friendships not because I don't like people - I LOVE people - but because, honestly, I feel like I'm more of a burden to people than a blessing. When I ask people if they want to do something, I feel like I'm requesting a gigantic favor from them. Probably there's some really messed up psychology there, so I suppose I'll have to work through that with time. At any rate, whether my issues are worked out or not, I do realize that one can't be close friends with someone if they never spend time together or talk. Thus, I want to make a more focued effort to call up my far-away friends and spend time with my near-to-here friends.

4. I really, really, really like Florida. Perhaps not quite as much as I like my childhood (and hopefully someday permanent) home, Michigan, but it's hard to say. I love the fact that Florida is sunny and that every part of Florida is near water - something I also like about Michigan (NOT the sunny part). I also really like the amazing thunderstorms that Florida gets. I even like the grocery stores there. I do not like that it gets so hot, although I can deal with that - I did work one summer outside in Florida and survived. I also do not like that the water at the beaches is salty. Yucko.