all a matter of perspective

The old adage is true: I'm my own worst critic.

Last fall I started testing out a new technique to try to suck some more information out of the precious cells I collect in my research. The snazzy technique of intracellular cytokine staining allows me to look at what types of cells are making what molecules that are important for immunity.

I obtained a protocol, tried it out a few times, and it appeared to work on my test cells. Then I tried it out on cells that actually mattered - experimental cells. And that was not so good. I went back and looked at my original data on the test cells...and it kind of looked like the stuff I thought was good wasn't really so good after all. I compared my "good" to what others said was "good" in their systems, and mine was decidedly BAD.

So...thus began much fretting and fussing. I tried everything I could think of to get my little cells to be good. Was I doing the technique wrong? Were the cells just misbehaving? Was I going crazy?

I finally broke down and Asked For Help. Guys dread the Ask For Directions horror; I don't mind asking for directions, but asking for help with an experiment...admitting that I can't for the life of me figure out what's going on and the only remaining possibility is that I myself am the problem - that I don't like. But I did, and I asked the person who I knew would be able to give me a clear and accurate answer but who is also one of the harshest scientific critics I know. That is to say...if your stuff isn't 100% perfect, she'll tell you. This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how low or high your self-esteem is and how fragile or solid your ego is.

I don't have much to say about my self-esteem or ego qualities, but after meeting with Said Scary Person (actually she's a real sweet person, not scary) yesterday, I can say one thing definitively: there is nothing wrong with my technique nor my cells nor my results! I can do the technique, the cells have little bits of what I'm searching for, and those little bits are all I should expect.

Fancy that. All that worrying and thinking I was wrong, and through it all...everything was okay. Hm.

It is good.